Considering selling off all my gear.

Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #20 on: January 26, 2023, 01:39:16 PM »
I honestly think so much of it stems from my paranoia that I'm going to end up in debt. Like excessive paranoia. I owed some taxes last year and the due date was approaching. I wasn't going to be able to make the deadline so I panicked and sold off a guitar just to make the deadline. I could have just missed the deadline, waited a few weeks and paid the amount with a bit of interest...it wouldn't even had been a huge amount of interest at all but instead I sold off a guitar I had since I was a teenager that I got for Christmas one year and had a lot of memories with...just to make a some stupid deadline.

It's not even a case of not being able to afford something but a fear of potentially needing those funds in an emergency. Currently I'm making more money than I've ever made before in my life and I could easily go out and buy things and still manage to pay rent/bills but it's that fear of "What if..." and ending up in debt because of it. I don't have a credit card and usually I buy everything in full but the issue is I'm hesitant to spend anything because of a "What if" scenario. For example right now a Pro 3 costs about $3K where I am. I could save up and spend it but then right when I'm at the store suddenly the fear of "What if the dog gets sick?" "What if I lose my job?" "Should I put this away?"  and I end up having a panic attack in the store and walking out (Which has happened....even with the smallest amounts of money involved)....not even in cases where it's an item I want but an item I need (cables, computer, DAW etc).

So I'm just at a point of...if I stop everything I won't have to worry about anything.

When I was in my early 20s I asked my mother to cash in some savings bonds she was putting away for me just so I had money to go make a movie. She begged me not to do it and said I should put that money away for a house or something practical...I didn't listen and the film never got finished and I blew everything. It's not even a case of "Well when you look back...aren't you glad you tried?" No...I'm not. It was a huge mistake and it just feels like getting involved in music was a mistake too because it's incredibly addictive. Not just in terms of gear accumulation but in terms of creativity.

I guess I don't want to end up like my father in some sense (Always saying "One day I'll do this.." but never actually doing anything) but at the same time I also am understanding why he just gave up music full time. He was auditioning for a US record label and basically ditched his band at the audition and no showed....just to work a shift at a grocery store that his brother was managing. He easily could have got the shift off and went to the audition but he just said "Nah" on a whim and everyone just looked at it as a huge mistake...but now I'm understanding why he did it. There's way too much pressure on creatives and sometimes you just want peace of mind and to just take it day by day.

I know it sounds odd but when I was doing the Prophet X videos a lot of comments were like "Man why hasn't Sequential shared these" or "You should totally do an artist interview" or whatever and I laughed it off...but at the same time it had me questioning "What's wrong with me?" "Am I not good enough?". Obviously it's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things but I guess stuff like that festers and other stuff piles on to it.
« Last Edit: January 26, 2023, 01:41:43 PM by LoboLives »

Sacred Synthesis

Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #21 on: January 26, 2023, 02:02:31 PM »
You seem to know what you want to do - that is, sell everything, pay your bills, and then live a simple, practical, dream-free life.  So why don't you just do it?  You're clear about your needs and wishes, but...hesitant to follow through with them.  Why the hesitation?   

Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #22 on: January 26, 2023, 02:05:17 PM »
You seem to know what you want to do - that is, sell everything, pay your bills, and then live a simple, practical, dream-free life.  So why don't you just do it?  You're clear about your needs and wishes, but...hesitant to follow through with them.  Why the hesitation?   

I'm trying to decide if I will come to regret it and thus falling into a worse depression.

Sacred Synthesis

Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #23 on: January 26, 2023, 02:17:16 PM »
Exactly.  And that's what we're all trying to spare you.  Go slowly with this, Lobolives.  Sell what you don't need but keep what you think you will.  Or else, pack it away in the basement and live without it for a while, to test yourself.  Maybe you won't miss it, but maybe you will.

Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #24 on: January 26, 2023, 04:59:51 PM »
You seem to know what you want to do - that is, sell everything, pay your bills, and then live a simple, practical, dream-free life.  So why don't you just do it?  You're clear about your needs and wishes, but...hesitant to follow through with them.  Why the hesitation?   

I'm trying to decide if I will come to regret it and thus falling into a worse depression.

I said this previously, but I do think holding on to the Prophet X - a gift from your father - seems wise. Regardless of what you do or don't do with it in future, besides it clearly being an instrument you've bonded with, it's a tangible connection to your dad.

If it's really the case that you'll hang in financially without needing to sell off your stuff, then I'd also push for the basement/storage unit notion. Let go of your gear in an immediate way if it's bringing you stress and distress and triggering depression, but tuck it away somewhere safe that you can return to in a while - weeks or months. Hopefully you'll be in a different, better place and can reevaluate.

jg666

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Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #25 on: January 27, 2023, 12:09:00 AM »
Yes I would also say that you should consider keeping at least the Prophet X. Sometimes I find a need a to lose myself in a synth that is "deeper" than the norm and I have the Yamaha Montage for this. Whilst it won't be everyone's cup of tea on these forums, I find I spend hours with it due to how deep you can go with it and also the Yamaha way of seemingly trying to make life as difficult as possible for the user helps to keep my mind occupied :)

The Prophet X could be your saviour in times when you need to lose yourself for a few hours and achieve something a little creative. I don't own one but I get the feeling there's a hell of a lot you can do with that synth. I would also want to keep it for sentimental reasons.

One of my synths is a Yamaha MOXF which is really surplus to requirements since getting the Montage but I bought that with a tax rebate we got from my father when he died. I wanted to buy something longer lasting and meaningful with it to remember him by and as he played a little piano when he was young I thought that was the thing to do. So I could never get rid of the MOXF for those reasons. It was actually the first synth I purchased since selling everything off (a mere 25 years after selling everything off !!)

I'd hate for you to sell off all your gear and then still not be happy and then it could become something else you own that you think is the problem :)



DSI Prophet Rev2, DSI Pro 2, Moog Sub37, Korg Minilogue, Yamaha MOXF6, Yamaha MODX6, Yamaha Montage6

blewis

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Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #26 on: January 27, 2023, 06:07:58 PM »
I don’t know what to say, but felt it was important to say I read all of this. I enjoy your work and perspective and I’m sorry you’re struggling with these decisions.

maxter

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Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #27 on: January 28, 2023, 09:32:32 AM »
I'm trying to decide if I will come to regret it and thus falling into a worse depression.

I've completely missed this thread until now, as I haven't been very active here lately either, so have just catched up reading through it. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through Lobo, and I can relate to your situation and circumstances somewhat, as I've been in a similar spot for some years now, where I haven't been well enough to get to a good spot economically. And so I haven't had much creativity either. Last year I finally managed to find and buy an affordable TINY cottage about 70 square feet or so, where I'm hoping to gradually become a little bit self-sufficient by growing root vegetables and such, as to rid myself of some of the economical pressure I'm under. I had to sell some stuff to come up with money for the cottage, like my ASR-10 Rack, as I'm also opposed to loaning money if I can avoid it. I have no loans atm so I can't complain, as my boat isn't leaking in that sense.

My personal story/rant: (OT, feel free to skip)
So I've been on the lowest sickpay for about 4 years now, long story short: I had to retire as a railroad welder prematurely 15 years ago, as my back was screwed up. I've invested heavily, financially and otherwise for 7-8 years to find a solution, and finally found a chiropractic who was able to actually treat the cause, not just alleviate symptoms like others. The guy said it was literally like cement at this point, which took months to crack. I'm blessed to not be in wheelchair by now, only somewhat limited physically. I've had some other jobs since, but then ran into some other problems that wore- and eventually broke me down mentally, which is the reason I've been on sick leave these last years, not my back problems. I get mental fatigue after about 2 hours now, and I'm not very creative anymore, so I've been having the same thoughts as you, giving up gear and music altogether. But I'm hesitant to let circumstances completely dictate my life. I get anxiety and depression from the situation, sure, but most people suffer so much worse. Low income is helped by lowering outgoings as much as possible, and increased gratitude and humility hopefully.  :)


If you don't HAVE to sell off gear right now, I'd say don't jump the gun if you're uncertain. Wait until you're sure. As others have mentioned, you could scale down bit by bit, even if I get your either/or mentality. These days one can still continue doing electronic music WITHOUT gear, except for a PC that is. VCV Rack comes to my mind, which I've found some comfort in, knowing that even if I sell everything I don't have to jump ship altogether, or that I can get back on it later. I guess I'm trying to get to a mindset that will make these decisions somewhat less "pumped up" or whatever, smaller. If a piece of gear is widely available today, that also lessens the decision, in case of regret.

I will probably end up selling off most of my stuff eventually anyhow, but maybe save a synth or two, if I can afford to. I don't see selling my gear as a "solution" to the economic situation, as I will eventually run out of gear to sell... But like you, I too want to have a money"buffer" for when I may suddenly need it. An approach I sometimes have in contrast to the absolute either/or, is to put up some pieces of gear for sale at a price I personally value them. Several pieces at the one time. Whatever gets sold, I'm at least content with the deal, and if it doesn't sell I keep it for now. When having a couple of pieces up, what goes goes, and I feel it's a bit more "out of my hands" once they're up this way, which for me diminishes the angst of the decision-making, I think. And I don't go all to nothing. You could sell off just one piece and see how it feels, first.

Sorry for rambling, this ended up being way longer than I intended. Whatever conclusion you come to, I wish you no regrets mainly. If possible, my advice is to find some way(s) to make the decision(s) feel "lesser". All the best!

Btw, this video has been helpful to me, regarding not giving up playing music altogether. And Benn Jordan recently made a video somewhat regarding the topic too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0JKCYZ8hng

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-LyXBCNsrA
« Last Edit: January 28, 2023, 11:01:36 AM by maxter »
The Way the Truth and the Life

Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #28 on: January 28, 2023, 10:19:23 AM »
This has been a great, thought-provoking thread and speaking for myself has been a great benefit - thank you to all!

My short story is that I stepped back from music and a large studio full of gear in the 1990s. I sold it all. Over time as I settled into another profession, I felt deep regret over selling the gear. I now have a new (smaller) room full of gear that I use in my spare time and it gives me great happiness.

If one steps back a step or two, there might be a few axioms to consider here. Gear isn't good or bad - it just is. Our decisions of what to buy, and what professional goals to pursue, stand separately from the gear. Selling gear might postpone financial events for a short time, but is probably not a long-term financial solution.

I'll stop here and wish the very best to everyone on this thread.
Prophet 10 Rev4, OB-X8, Moog One, Rhodes Mk8, Osmose, OB-6 desktop, Trigon 6 Desktop, Kawai VPC-1, Steinway D

Jason

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Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #29 on: January 30, 2023, 07:48:31 AM »
it's that fear of "What if..." and ending up in debt because of it.
 I'm hesitant to spend anything because of a "What if" scenario.

To state the obvious: It is wise to have a "What If" savings account of at least a few months of expenses. If you believe the numbers, most people are not even close to being prudent regarding this issue. The number of months of income we should all have in savings is debatable and can vary depending on preferences and security of our job/income. Some advisors suggest 3 - 6 months of living expenses should be readily available. Others suggest 8 - 12 months. Not many suggest longer than that. The key is to really consider how comfortable you are regarding risk and to decide how many months you want. After you get that amount put away, you should be good to go on with life with a peaceful mind.

jok3r

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Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #30 on: January 31, 2023, 01:46:18 PM »
After reading this thread and thinking about it for some days, I just decided to give my 2 cents...

I do not really have problems with money. Meanwhile I could easily go out and finally buy me a Prophet 5 and OB-X8 without having to think about it very much, because there would still be enough money left to have a good safety net below me. But if I ask myself why I just don't do it, most of the arguments here come to my mind:

1. The "What if?" thing. Even if you do not exactly have money problems, it seems to trouble some people. I'm married and have an eight month old daughter. What if she got serious medical problems and my wife can not handle it all alone. That said, my wife does not work at the moment. I'm producing all the income. What if I had to reduce working hours to support her? We are living in a big house, that needs a lot of money to get it warm in there. We need cars to get out of our very small village. We could survive with only half of my income... but is "surviving" what we want? We don't want to change our standards, to be honest. The more things you have, the more money you need to keep everything fine and running. So the safety buffer should be a lot bigger, than what I would need, if I were living alone in a tiny flat. Bets are good, that nothing bad will happen and I will not need so much money. But if you are an overly thoughtful person, you can not simply move aside the "What if" question. It will just pop out everytime you are planning to buy something. Another thing that troubles a lot of minds at the moment: We are living in Germany... and when I'm hearing in the news that our government just decided to send Leopard 2 tanks to Ukraine, which is not sooo far away, I must admit, that we are living in fear of war in our country, too. What if that happens? Better have a lot of money to take the next flight to some remote island with the whole family. Bets are good, that will not happen, too, if Putin does not want to have the whole NATO directly at war with him... but it's still possible.

2. Moving all the overly anxious things aside, there is still the "What for?" thing. At the moment I do not really have time to really use all my gear. Besides my Kronos and Rev2 that I use for gigging in a cover band, all my gear is standing here unused. I'm thinking on selling all these things, too. Selling stuff for not using it and buying an P5/OB-X8 is a big contradiction, so there will be no new toys for me, until I really got the time and interest of really "using" it, not just "having" it. When I come home from work, there is this super sweet little daughter waiting for me and I just cannot go to my synth without having bad conscience, knowing the little wants to play with her daddy, that she didn't see the whole day. Priorities. I will not get back the time with her, if I just let it go. So perhaps I let the synth go, until she is old enough to be happy about "not seeing her father" in (hopefully) 18 years ;-) I can buy some new synth then.

3. When I'm actually making music at home at the moment, I play the piano and electric "pipe" organ a lot. Preparing my pipe organ stuff for sundays and playing classical piano, just for myself and to not lose my skills. That's the minimum I have to do, and the maximum a I can do at the moment. I'm doing the piano stuff on my wife's epiano at the moment. It's a nice one, but even the best epiano can not replace the cheapest real piano. My real piano is still at my parents house. I never took it from there, so there is a piano there, when I'm visiting them. For the reasons above I think about buying a grand piano at the moment. Yes, that would be really a lot of money to spend. But that would be an instrument for life and a life-long dream come true. I could play it without electricity, if we really get problems with blackouts caused by this shitty war. And I would be actually using it, instead of just looking at it. Selling all my stuff would help a little bit in that direction. I cannot buy or house a Steinway D, but a brand new Yamaha CX2/3 baby grand could be actually be the way to go for me. My wife can play it, too, which is good for the wife-acceptance-factor and my baby seems to love when I play piano. Hopefully she will get interested in this versatile instrument, when she is some years old. A real family instrument. Yes, I could not take it with me, to the remote island in case of emergency, but since is the absolut worst case scenario I would take the risk ;-) There would still be a buffer left...

So my problems are not really comparable to yours, Lobo, but the thoughts they imply are similar. I would never sell everything I have. Sell a lot, but not all. Without music, without me. I can live with not being a creative musician writing my own music. I'm perfectly fine with playing things others wrote on a instrument where I can not program my own sounds, but live with the one and only default piano patch ;-). But I can not image that there will be a time where no music is played in this house at all... it's the most beatiful thing on earth and so important to everyone, even if they do not recognize it.

I wish you all the best and am really excited to see what direction you will choose. If we actually get to know it, since you surely would quit this forum, too. Which would be a bummer...
Prophet Rev2, Moog Matriarch, Novation Peak, Arturia DrumBrute Impact, Korg Kronos 2 88, Kurzweil PC 361, Yamaha S90ES

dsetto

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Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #31 on: February 09, 2023, 12:21:57 AM »
Lobo, sorry to hear your hope is momentarily thin.

I’m too afraid to consider a clean break. But a clean break can be an act of great strength, clarity. To project my perspective your way, I would try to hold on to key, fundamental pieces. Tuck them away, for a break. Or tuck them all away, but one. One, as a simplified conduit, for a return to simplicity.

Regarding the manifested pressure of your perception of others’ perceptions. … Try to shake it. Don’t tell people what you do. Or, modify, generalize.

Consider redefining your definitions of your intentions and paths. Considering keeping it closer to the chest, except to the right, gentle few. It is tough— as we want to connect on so many levels.

You are not stuck on any fixed path. But, yes. If the burden of yesterday’s goal are too much— lighten as you can, so you can … be; and find solace.

With or without music. This can be seasonal.  But find solace. Clear the big-picture to-do list. Keep it empty. Do what you have to. In time, populate it.

See if and how music gets added back. If so, unpack the instrument that calls you. Step at a time. The sky will clear. Hope will return.

Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #32 on: February 13, 2023, 03:26:30 PM »
Lobo- it's good to see that you're posting again in the Sequential forum. Your initial post certainly touched a nerve amongst many people here and I don't doubt there's relief amongst the gang if your resurgent presence means you're keeping your toes dipped in the music/gear pond after all.

Re: Considering selling off all my gear.
« Reply #33 on: February 13, 2023, 03:31:25 PM »
Lobo- it's good to see that you're posting again in the Sequential forum. Your initial post certainly touched a nerve amongst many people here and I don't doubt there's relief amongst the gang if your resurgent presence means you're keeping your toes dipped in the music/gear pond after all.

I'm not 100% yet in either direction to be honest. I'm just keeping an eye on things. I have to go to the studio to finish some soundtrack stuff this weekend. It's not even something I'm particularly interested in but I feel I have to honor my agreements. Who knows though, it might spark something.