The Official Sequential/Oberheim Forum
OTHER DISCUSSIONS => General Synthesis => Off Topic => Topic started by: LoboLives on January 24, 2023, 05:32:47 AM
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I suppose this has been a long time coming. I'm suffering quite a bit from depression recently and I'm strongly considering selling off all of my gear. For a number of reasons, one the cost of living has risen to the point where despite making more money then I ever have before I still am struggling to make ends meet and as such I've already sold the Stratocaster my dad bought me, my Ibanez guitars, my Jackson V guitars, sold off my Alesis Multistrike Pro just to cover bills.
More recently my computer has been acting up quite a bit and needs to either be repaired or replaced, I don't have the funds for this either so that has put a pause on doing any recording at all. This has given me time to reflect on what music or just being a creative (Writing, painting, filmmaking etc) means to me. I'm now forced to focus more on survival rather than personal desires and goals (Which I think is the story of everyone's life right now) and with that focus I've come to the conclusion that I don't really have the desire to do it anymore. I'm so concerned with spending money on..well...anything that I've lost all the momentum to continue. I don't want to spend money on cables or a new computer because I'm afraid something is going to come up where I'll need that money and I'd rather have it rather than be scrambling for it.
Anyway, this is a random rant. I'm not even sure anyone has noticed that I haven't really been active on here or my YouTube channel or FB groups or whatever, I think it's time to call it quits for me. Just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced something similar or if they have actually sold off everything before and what was their thought process afterwards?
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I do know what you are going through as I’ve been through very similar things. In the end it was my synths that helped me through my sticky patches so I’ve always been glad that I’ve still got them and they will probably be one of the last things I will sell :)
I did suffer with mild depression before the lockdown but during the lockdown it did get worse because I’m on my own and was not part of any “bubble” so didn’t have any company for well over a year. It was during those days my synths and synth forums and youtube channels that really helped me though it all.
Then at the end of 2021 I decide to finish work completely. I was 60 but don’t get any state pension until I’m 67 and have no private pensions but I thought I’d got enough savings to keep me going until I reach 67. A few months later everything started going crazy and now I know I won’t have enough money but I don’t care :) I will just enjoy my hobbies and ignore everything else and keep myself sane and depression free hopefully.
Hope everything sorts itself out for you, just think of me with zero income and you’ll feel a little better !!! :)
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I suppose this has been a long time coming. I'm suffering quite a bit from depression recently and I'm strongly considering selling off all of my gear. For a number of reasons, one the cost of living has risen to the point where despite making more money then I ever have before I still am struggling to make ends meet and as such I've already sold the Stratocaster my dad bought me, my Ibanez guitars, my Jackson V guitars, sold off my Alesis Multistrike Pro just to cover bills.
More recently my computer has been acting up quite a bit and needs to either be repaired or replaced, I don't have the funds for this either so that has put a pause on doing any recording at all. This has given me time to reflect on what music or just being a creative (Writing, painting, filmmaking etc) means to me. I'm now forced to focus more on survival rather than personal desires and goals (Which I think is the story of everyone's life right now) and with that focus I've come to the conclusion that I don't really have the desire to do it anymore. I'm so concerned with spending money on..well...anything that I've lost all the momentum to continue. I don't want to spend money on cables or a new computer because I'm afraid something is going to come up where I'll need that money and I'd rather have it rather than be scrambling for it.
Anyway, this is a random rant. I'm not even sure anyone has noticed that I haven't really been active on here or my YouTube channel or FB groups or whatever, I think it's time to call it quits for me. Just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced something similar or if they have actually sold off everything before and what was their thought process afterwards?
Really sorry you're having such a rough time with both health and finances. I'm cautious about handing out advice, but with the understanding you've already let go of one of the instruments you got from your father, I'm hoping you can hold onto the Prophet X. If I'm remembering, that's also an instrument he helped you land.
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I suppose this has been a long time coming. I'm suffering quite a bit from depression recently and I'm strongly considering selling off all of my gear. For a number of reasons, one the cost of living has risen to the point where despite making more money then I ever have before I still am struggling to make ends meet and as such I've already sold the Stratocaster my dad bought me, my Ibanez guitars, my Jackson V guitars, sold off my Alesis Multistrike Pro just to cover bills.
More recently my computer has been acting up quite a bit and needs to either be repaired or replaced, I don't have the funds for this either so that has put a pause on doing any recording at all. This has given me time to reflect on what music or just being a creative (Writing, painting, filmmaking etc) means to me. I'm now forced to focus more on survival rather than personal desires and goals (Which I think is the story of everyone's life right now) and with that focus I've come to the conclusion that I don't really have the desire to do it anymore. I'm so concerned with spending money on..well...anything that I've lost all the momentum to continue. I don't want to spend money on cables or a new computer because I'm afraid something is going to come up where I'll need that money and I'd rather have it rather than be scrambling for it.
Anyway, this is a random rant. I'm not even sure anyone has noticed that I haven't really been active on here or my YouTube channel or FB groups or whatever, I think it's time to call it quits for me. Just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced something similar or if they have actually sold off everything before and what was their thought process afterwards?
Really sorry you're having such a rough time with both health and finances. I'm cautious about handing out advice, but with the understanding you've already let go of one of the instruments you got from your father, I'm hoping you can hold onto the Prophet X. If I'm remembering, that's also an instrument he helped you land.
Yes he bought it for me after I lost my job.
At this point though, I'm very much in the mindset of "All or nothing". So if I'm going to sell everything the PX will go as well. Not something I want to do but since I'm not able to record music now and since I can't afford to buy a new computer or at least I'm paranoid that I can't afford to buy a new computer, it's all stuck in limbo.
I actually called a debt counselling company and I was asking them to help me. I don't have any debt but I'm expecting that I will and they are just looking at me with absolute confusion and obviously there's no way they can really advise anything.
My shrink said that what I'm experiencing now is the death of an ego/dream and it's something a lot of creative people go through. The realization that it's either struggling to survive but indulge in your creativity or come to the realization that it's okay to just say "I'm a grocery clerk." "I'm a truck driver" "I'm a regular person."
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I suppose this has been a long time coming. I'm suffering quite a bit from depression recently and I'm strongly considering selling off all of my gear. For a number of reasons, one the cost of living has risen to the point where despite making more money then I ever have before I still am struggling to make ends meet and as such I've already sold the Stratocaster my dad bought me, my Ibanez guitars, my Jackson V guitars, sold off my Alesis Multistrike Pro just to cover bills.
More recently my computer has been acting up quite a bit and needs to either be repaired or replaced, I don't have the funds for this either so that has put a pause on doing any recording at all. This has given me time to reflect on what music or just being a creative (Writing, painting, filmmaking etc) means to me. I'm now forced to focus more on survival rather than personal desires and goals (Which I think is the story of everyone's life right now) and with that focus I've come to the conclusion that I don't really have the desire to do it anymore. I'm so concerned with spending money on..well...anything that I've lost all the momentum to continue. I don't want to spend money on cables or a new computer because I'm afraid something is going to come up where I'll need that money and I'd rather have it rather than be scrambling for it.
Anyway, this is a random rant. I'm not even sure anyone has noticed that I haven't really been active on here or my YouTube channel or FB groups or whatever, I think it's time to call it quits for me. Just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced something similar or if they have actually sold off everything before and what was their thought process afterwards?
Yes, I actually was wondering where you've been. I haven't seen a forum post from you for quite a while.
I want to say, "We've all been there," Lobolives. Clinically depressed or not, we musicians have our ups and downs, first, because we tend to be emotionally sensitive, and second, because music-making is a difficult means of even partly supporting yourself.
In a similar state of mind as you presently have, I've given up music and sold my instruments twice in my life. In both cases, I terribly regretted doing so. I would strongly suggest something: don't get dramatic and throw it all away. If you have to make some changes and sell some equipment, try to do so with moderation. You can get all upset and rid yourself of these things, but then realize later the problem was elsewhere in your life, or that you could have weathered this with a little more patience. Life changes. Your circumstances might be better in a couple of years. So, if you must sell some equipment to make ends meet, so be it. But hold onto something - at least your very favorite instrument. Believe me, when you come to your senses one day and realize you no longer have the tools to make the music you love, you might be far more depressed as a result than you are right now. Music equipment is outrageously expensive, and once it's sold, it'll be difficult to start accumulating it all over again. All I'm suggesting is that you should be careful; don't burn all your bridges. Keep something for the future.
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I suppose this has been a long time coming. I'm suffering quite a bit from depression recently and I'm strongly considering selling off all of my gear. For a number of reasons, one the cost of living has risen to the point where despite making more money then I ever have before I still am struggling to make ends meet and as such I've already sold the Stratocaster my dad bought me, my Ibanez guitars, my Jackson V guitars, sold off my Alesis Multistrike Pro just to cover bills.
More recently my computer has been acting up quite a bit and needs to either be repaired or replaced, I don't have the funds for this either so that has put a pause on doing any recording at all. This has given me time to reflect on what music or just being a creative (Writing, painting, filmmaking etc) means to me. I'm now forced to focus more on survival rather than personal desires and goals (Which I think is the story of everyone's life right now) and with that focus I've come to the conclusion that I don't really have the desire to do it anymore. I'm so concerned with spending money on..well...anything that I've lost all the momentum to continue. I don't want to spend money on cables or a new computer because I'm afraid something is going to come up where I'll need that money and I'd rather have it rather than be scrambling for it.
Anyway, this is a random rant. I'm not even sure anyone has noticed that I haven't really been active on here or my YouTube channel or FB groups or whatever, I think it's time to call it quits for me. Just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced something similar or if they have actually sold off everything before and what was their thought process afterwards?
Yes, I actually was wondering where you've been. I haven't seen a forum post from you for quite a while.
I want to say, "We've all been there," Lobolives. Clinically depressed or not, we musicians have our ups and downs, first, because we tend to be emotionally sensitive, and second, because music-making is a difficult means of even partly supporting yourself.
In a similar state of mind as you presently have, I've given up music and sold my instruments twice in my life. In both cases, I terribly regretted doing so. I would strongly suggest something: don't get dramatic; don't throw it all away. If you have to make some changes and sell some equipment, try to do so with moderation. Because you can get all upset and rid yourself of all these things, but then realize later the problem was elsewhere, or that you could have weathered this with a little more patience. Life changes. Your circumstances might be better in a couple of years. So, if you must sell some equipment to make ends meet, so be it. But hold onto something - at least your very favorite instrument. Believe me, when you come to your senses one day and realize you no longer have the tools to make the music you love, you might be far more depressed as a result than you are right now. Music equipment is outrageously expensive, and once it's sold, it'll be very difficult to start accumulating it all over again. All I'm suggesting is that you should be careful; don't burn all your bridges.
The problem is I currently have a "All or nothing" type mentality so it's at a point now where if I'm going to do something I'm just going to go all the way and not look back. I was actually speaking with Espen Kraft about it and he said sometimes it's better to just cut and run. Sell off everything and don't look back and just move on. I remember reading up on this makeup/special effects artist Rob Bottin (he did the effects in The Howling, John Carpenter's The Thing etc) and now he just works in real estate and doesn't do anything creative and I dunno a lot of people look at that and say "Ugh what a waste. How sad." but I dunno, is it? He doesn't owe anyone anything. He isn't hurting anyone. What's the issue? I think the problem with being a creative is there's so much pressure that is mentally put on them to "make something" be it from others or themselves. There's something kind of nice about just waking up, going to work, eating dinner and going to bed. There's no expectations and therefore no pressure or extra work to be done.
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I can only convey some of my own experiences here, maybe doing so will help in some small way.
I remember selling all my synths when I was in college because I needed the money for a better computer, and because I was a computer science major, putting the money into something that helped me make a living one day seemed wiser than spending on music gear, since I never personally had aspirations of being involved in music professionally. Also, and perhaps of more consequence was the amount of time I would end up spending making music. That too was time that could be spent studying or doing something toward shaping my career. I remember feeling guilty anytime I spent time on music of video games. So, music was put completely on hold, and I just studied my ass off for the most part.
In my second year of college I remember hitting max stress level, and actually calling one of those hotlines the school had listed in case a student needs to talk to someone. It was only a single conversation with a professional counselor that lasted maybe 40 mins, but it was enormously helpful. He had me describe my routine to him, and when I did he said "what do you do for fun?"... and I realized I had completely put "fun" on hold. Making music was one form of fun and a creative outlet, but I had given that up. I had forgotten to carve out "me time".
Anyway I didn't immediately start buying gear again, in fact it wasn't really until DAW technology evolved to become a complete solution that I started spending more time with music, and for a long time it was in-the-box / plugins only. Then the occasional hardware purchase, etc. started happening, and when the pandemic hit, I think I got to a point where I realized making music is incredible therapy for life's stress, and started investing in my current studio more.
What did I learn along the way? Well that I'm happiest when I minimize my long-term regrets. My biggest regret as it relates to making music or music gear is that I didn't allocate more time to the hobby. I could have been a better keyboard player if I had invested more time to practice, or I would have invested the time to memorize scales,.. Lots of my music theory has been lost to "use it or lose it syndrome"... wish I had used it more. I wish I had bought certain pieces of gear when they were affordable, and invested time to learn them inside and out.
As with all things, your mileage may vary.... but synth enthusiasts are notorious for selling it all off, only to eventually either buy it all back or just moan about the pieces they should have never let go.
Also remember there are some enormously talented, famous people who simply threw in the towel altogether on music due to personal reasons never fully understood by their fans. Examples that come to mind are Mark Hollis (Talk Talk) and Alan Wilder (Depeche Mode). And those departures are literally mourned by thousands of people, bummed that they will never hear more works from those artists. They had their reasons, they knew what was right for them. Ultimately each of us has to make our own choices and live with them.
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The problem is I currently have a "All or nothing" type mentality so it's at a point now where if I'm going to do something I'm just going to go all the way and not look back. I was actually speaking with Espen Kraft about it and he said sometimes it's better to just cut and run. Sell off everything and don't look back and just move on. I remember reading up on this makeup/special effects artist Rob Bottin (he did the effects in The Howling, John Carpenter's The Thing etc) and now he just works in real estate and doesn't do anything creative and I dunno a lot of people look at that and say "Ugh what a waste. How sad." but I dunno, is it? He doesn't owe anyone anything. He isn't hurting anyone. What's the issue? I think the problem with being a creative is there's so much pressure that is mentally put on them to "make something" be it from others or themselves. There's something kind of nice about just waking up, going to work, eating dinner and going to bed. There's no expectations and therefore no pressure or extra work to be done.
Yes, I agree with everything you've said. It's wonderfully liberating to once-and-for-all move on from something complicated like this. But you have to carefully discern this, and who and what you are. Are you or aren't you a musician and a composer? That's the big question. It obviously isn't about the equipment, but about your own identity. And if you decide the musician-composer identity was a mistake, then move on and don't look back. Having an ordinary life certainly has its joys and comforts. But it seems to me you're not entirely at peace about this. Otherwise, you wouldn't have started this discussion.
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The problem is I currently have a "All or nothing" type mentality so it's at a point now where if I'm going to do something I'm just going to go all the way and not look back. I was actually speaking with Espen Kraft about it and he said sometimes it's better to just cut and run. Sell off everything and don't look back and just move on. I remember reading up on this makeup/special effects artist Rob Bottin (he did the effects in The Howling, John Carpenter's The Thing etc) and now he just works in real estate and doesn't do anything creative and I dunno a lot of people look at that and say "Ugh what a waste. How sad." but I dunno, is it? He doesn't owe anyone anything. He isn't hurting anyone. What's the issue? I think the problem with being a creative is there's so much pressure that is mentally put on them to "make something" be it from others or themselves. There's something kind of nice about just waking up, going to work, eating dinner and going to bed. There's no expectations and therefore no pressure or extra work to be done.
Yes, I agree with everything you've said. It's wonderfully liberating to once-and-for-all move on from something complicated like this. But you have to carefully discern this, and who and what you are. Are you or aren't you a musician and a composer? That's the big question. It obviously isn't about the equipment, but about your own identity. And if you decide the musician-composer identity was a mistake, then move on and don't look back. Having an ordinary life certainly has its joys and comforts. But it seems to me you're not entirely at peace about this; otherwise, you wouldn't have started this discussion.
The one thing I'm debating on is what to do with my output. I don't really want to keep it accessible to me. Part of me wants to get rid of it all together but my gf suggested I just save everything to an external drive, delete my YouTube channel and pages and just put the external drive in storage. That way it's not in my face taunting me.
When someone asks "What do you do?" soon as you say "I am a writer" "I am a filmmaker" "I am a musician" "I am a painter" etc there is suddenly this incredibly amount of pressure to prove your worth. Not just from others but from yourself as well. That answer always followed up with "Let's see your work." "What have you done lately?" "What are you working on?" "Why aren't you on this platform?" "Why haven't you posted this week?" "How many followers do you have?"
But if you respond "I'm a grocery clerk." "I'm a truck driver" "I flip burgers" "I work at a call center" there's suddenly no pressure. No stress to prove your worth or explain yourself. It's cut and dry. There's no self doubt because there's nothing expected of you.
There's something really liberating about coming to terms with the fact you're just existing and the only dreams you have are the ones when you sleep.
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When someone asks "What do you do?" soon as you say "I am a writer" "I am a filmmaker" "I am a musician" "I am a painter" etc there is suddenly this incredibly amount of pressure to prove your worth. Not just from others but from yourself as well. That answer always followed up with "Let's see your work." "What have you done lately?" "What are you working on?" "Why aren't you on this platform?" "Why haven't you posted this week?" "How many followers do you have?"
But if you respond "I'm a grocery clerk." "I'm a truck driver" "I flip burgers" "I work at a call center" there's suddenly no pressure. No stress to prove your worth or explain yourself. It's cut and dry. There's no self doubt because there's nothing expected of you.
There's something really liberating about coming to terms with the fact you're just existing and the only dreams you have are the ones when you sleep.
Once again, I totally agree with you. The "So what do you do?" question is the one that artists most dread, because we're being asked to justify ourselves compared with the very different standard of life and work around us. Devoting your life to beauty isn't in the least bit appreciated - although when people face hard times, it's one of the first things they seek out for comfort. What's implicitly being asked is, "Do you make as much money as the rest of us, or are you wasting your time?"
I wouldn't base an important life decision on this, because you're the one that will have to live with your choice, day by day. But I wouldn't glorify the life of mediocrity either, the daily grind. It has its security and predictability, but some people want more than just survival.
It sounds to me like the main thing you want is stability and to be free of the complications brought on by dreams. It's understandable.
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When someone asks "What do you do?" soon as you say "I am a writer" "I am a filmmaker" "I am a musician" "I am a painter" etc there is suddenly this incredibly amount of pressure to prove your worth. Not just from others but from yourself as well. That answer always followed up with "Let's see your work." "What have you done lately?" "What are you working on?" "Why aren't you on this platform?" "Why haven't you posted this week?" "How many followers do you have?"
But if you respond "I'm a grocery clerk." "I'm a truck driver" "I flip burgers" "I work at a call center" there's suddenly no pressure. No stress to prove your worth or explain yourself. It's cut and dry. There's no self doubt because there's nothing expected of you.
There's something really liberating about coming to terms with the fact you're just existing and the only dreams you have are the ones when you sleep.
Once again, I totally agree with you. The "So what do you do?" question is the one that artists most dread, because we're being asked to justify ourselves, in light of the very different view of life and work around us. What's implicitly being asked is, "Do you make as much money as the rest of us?"
I wouldn't base an important life decision on this, because you're the one that will have to live with your choice, day by day. But I wouldn't glorify the life of mediocrity either, the daily grind.
It sounds to me like the main thing you want is stability and to be free of the complications brought on by dreams. It's understandable.
Simplicity and stability for the most part but yes free of the complications brought on by dreams. Something kind of nice about just having a routine of waking up, going to work, grabbing dinner, sitting on your porch and watching the stars and just going to bed to do it all over again. There's no "I want to" or "I wish" but simply "I am."
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When someone asks "What do you do?" soon as you say "I am a writer" "I am a filmmaker" "I am a musician" "I am a painter" etc there is suddenly this incredibly amount of pressure to prove your worth. Not just from others but from yourself as well. That answer always followed up with "Let's see your work." "What have you done lately?" "What are you working on?" "Why aren't you on this platform?" "Why haven't you posted this week?" "How many followers do you have?"
But if you respond "I'm a grocery clerk." "I'm a truck driver" "I flip burgers" "I work at a call center" there's suddenly no pressure. No stress to prove your worth or explain yourself. It's cut and dry. There's no self doubt because there's nothing expected of you.
There's something really liberating about coming to terms with the fact you're just existing and the only dreams you have are the ones when you sleep.
Once again, I totally agree with you. The "So what do you do?" question is the one that artists most dread, because we're being asked to justify ourselves, in light of the very different view of life and work around us. What's implicitly being asked is, "Do you make as much money as the rest of us?"
I wouldn't base an important life decision on this, because you're the one that will have to live with your choice, day by day. But I wouldn't glorify the life of mediocrity either, the daily grind.
It sounds to me like the main thing you want is stability and to be free of the complications brought on by dreams. It's understandable.
Simplicity and stability for the most part but yes free of the complications brought on by dreams. Something kind of nice about just having a routine of waking up, going to work, grabbing dinner, sitting on your porch and watching the stars and just going to bed to do it all over again. There's no "I want to" or "I wish" but simply "I am."
You make a good case for simplifying one's life. I know as I get older, I'm more aware of all kinds of clutter - physical stuff and mental junk. Still, and I say this while dealing with my own father's failing health, I'd still hope for you to hold onto a few things that are precious to you and that connect you to him. The Prophet X that your dad got for you, right? Maybe lend it to a friend or find a way to let it go without losing it, but I do wonder if that's maybe one instrument that might have its own layered value for you. I think you know we're all rooting for you, whatever decisions you might make. You've struck a nerve or two amongst some of us. Traveling through life with a passion for making music is a unique challenge that perhaps only other musicians can quite make sense of.
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I've had loved ones with clinical depression--it runs in my family--and I've seen how it takes the joy from beloved activities. Simply saying, "But you really love that, right?" is no good, because it runs deeper than people realize.
You're not going to make an irreversible mistake here. You may want to return to making music when things improve, in which case you'll buy instruments again. Maybe not the same instruments, but in general the stakes aren't super-high.
I like Sacred Synthesis's suggestion, though. Sell off something, see how it feels, re-evaluate, and repeat if you want to.
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I suppose this has been a long time coming. I'm suffering quite a bit from depression recently and I'm strongly considering selling off all of my gear. For a number of reasons, one the cost of living has risen to the point where despite making more money then I ever have before I still am struggling to make ends meet and as such I've already sold the Stratocaster my dad bought me, my Ibanez guitars, my Jackson V guitars, sold off my Alesis Multistrike Pro just to cover bills.
More recently my computer has been acting up quite a bit and needs to either be repaired or replaced, I don't have the funds for this either so that has put a pause on doing any recording at all. This has given me time to reflect on what music or just being a creative (Writing, painting, filmmaking etc) means to me. I'm now forced to focus more on survival rather than personal desires and goals (Which I think is the story of everyone's life right now) and with that focus I've come to the conclusion that I don't really have the desire to do it anymore. I'm so concerned with spending money on..well...anything that I've lost all the momentum to continue. I don't want to spend money on cables or a new computer because I'm afraid something is going to come up where I'll need that money and I'd rather have it rather than be scrambling for it.
Anyway, this is a random rant. I'm not even sure anyone has noticed that I haven't really been active on here or my YouTube channel or FB groups or whatever, I think it's time to call it quits for me. Just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced something similar or if they have actually sold off everything before and what was their thought process afterwards?
Very sorry to hear this Lobo… I would also like to offer a suggestion based on past experience. I recently sold everything because I moved overseas. And now I’m rebuilding my little “project studio”… but in rebuilding, I’ve taken a very minimalist stance. One guitar, one bass, one synth (yet to be purchased), a Fractal Ax3 for amps / effects, and a computer running a DAW. That’s it. The limited resources allow me to focus on music creation instead of “gear tinkering”… instead of spending hours audition guitar and amp combinations for a part, I just pick up the 1 guitar I have and press record. As a result, I am both happier and am recording more stuff which also makes me happier.
So my suggestion is this: if you can (financially), find your minimalist set of gear. Get rid of everything else. You can compose a masterpiece with (for example) a Prophet X and a DAW. Nothing else needed.
You’re a musician. I’ve listened to your stuff. You’re talented. If you can avoid getting rid of absolutely everything, you’ll feel better about the whole process. Everyone needs a hobby. For you, it seems to be music creation. Find a way to keep that hobby alive.
Best of luck, my friend.
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I always consider my synth obsession as a hobby rather than calling myself a musician, that way I feel no pressure at all to produce anything that sounds good :) I sold my stuff off in my 20s - I had a keyboard and bass guitar and amp/speaker etc and then was always wanting something else to replace it, but because you never get the full worth of these things when you sell them, you then have to save up longer to replace them.
I too need a new computer but can't afford one at the moment - I built my current PC in 2011 and have only replaced the hard drive for an SSD one since then. A new PC would be nice but not worth losing sleep over as I never record anything that I do. I play my instruments for my own pleasure and for relaxation... i just enjoy the physical process of doing this and can soon lose half a day just messing around with them making noise. It's a great way for me to stop thinking about my problems and to get some pleasure out of life. Even if I'm not really playing I find it helps. I could be creating some new patches or programming a new sequence, it all helps to keep my mind occupied with something rather than feeling sorry for myself.
The suggestion above of keeping at least something is a good one in my opinion. Once it's all gone then you might regret it and miss your instruments and make yourself feel worse.
I always try to remember that there's no pressure on me to be creative, there's no pressure on me to produce something that other people will like, I'm just doing it all for enjoyment and for my own entertainment.
:) best of luck with your decisions and future life
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So my suggestion is this: if you can (financially), find your minimalist set of gear. Get rid of everything else. You can compose a masterpiece with (for example) a Prophet X and a DAW. Nothing else needed.
I would second this recommendation. In fact, even your DAW can be minimalized -- some consider producing on an Akai MPC to be "DAWless", but it is actually a DAW in itself. It is very limiting in a lot of ways, for example only 8 audio tracks, but a lot of legendary hits were created with 8 tracks. Plus Akai stuff is durable/well made and not as subject to planned obsolescence as if working with a mainstream OS like Windows or MacOS.
Not saying the MPC is necessarily the right device for you. Just that maybe you could solve the PC upgrade issue by switching to some sort of dedicated hardware sequencer, and simplify the rest of your setup to only the bare minimum needed as Shaw suggested.
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I always consider my synth obsession as a hobby rather than calling myself a musician, that way I feel no pressure at all to produce anything that sounds good :)
The suggestion above of keeping at least something is a good one in my opinion.
I always try to remember that there's no pressure on me to be creative, there's no pressure on me to produce something that other people will like, I'm just doing it all for enjoyment and for my own entertainment.
The above summarizes some of the great advice given here.
Before the pandemic, I had been thinking about selling my gear too. Since I was a child, my focus as a musician had been to play/practice and to perform live. For a variety of reasons (including some hearing loss), I had completely lost all interest in performing live. Months went by... and then a few years. People told me that my motivation would return, but I wasn't so sure. Whenever I would see my musical equipment, I would feel a little guilty and wonder if I should start selling. My identity was shifting into different directions and areas of interest. Then the pandemic really hit, and suddenly I was homebound and unable to participate in my current hobbies. I was able to work from home, and so I was able to have the life that you currently find appealing: ("Something kind of nice about just having a routine of waking up, going to work, grabbing dinner, sitting on your porch and watching the stars and just going to bed to do it all over again. There's no "I want to" or "I wish" but simply "I am."")
The "problem" is that such a lifestyle isn't especially satisfying when we look backward. (The Nobel Prize winning psychologist and economist Daniel Kahneman refers to this as the difference between our "experiencing self" and our "remembering self.") What makes us happy moment by moment is not same as what makes us happy about our lives when we look back on it. (In fact, most of the things that make us happiest in the moment will make us less happy in the future.) I'm into meditation and love the idea of simply being... without craving... just living in the moment. I am vs. I want/I wish. But if we spend the whole day trying only to enjoy our moments (by really living in the moment), we won't necessarily feel good about how we spent our time at the end of our day, year, or life.
A great deal is known about how to be happy: prioritize sleep/nutrition/exercise/giving/human connections, etc... and a major piece is achieving Meaning. We become happy when we decide what has meaning, set a related goal and start to move in that direction.
I eventually shifted gears. I decided that playing live no longer had much meaning for me personally. But I saw meaning in the idea of making videos and posting them on YouTube, where they can be enjoyed by other people whom I will never meet. Additionally, a YouTube channel can continue to be enjoyed by others even after I'm dead.
If I lost my musical motivation and needed the money, I would start selling gear a little at a time. But I would try very hard to keep at least one keyboard (probably my Montage 8 because it has great pianos and is very versatile) and a computer/DAW. Whether or not I own one keyboard is probably not going to make or break me, and if/when my motivation returns, I'll have something to work with.
Wishing you the very best.
- Jason
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I get the sense from this thread that quite a few of us struggle with the gear issue, not as an obsession that can't be satisfied, but as a frustration that tends to depress. The problem as it seems to be described here is not that we can't have as much as we'd like, but that we want it in the first place; whereas we'd rather not. It causes stress and depression, so that we want to get out of the field and back into ordinary life with its simple common charms.
In my opinion, the best solution is not to get out of music altogether, but to have only as little equipment as is needed. If you minimize your gear and maintain or increase your productivity, it seems you can have both - a relatively free and simple life, plus music. And music is a kindly old friend to have as you age. But the synthesizer/music production industry thrives on our proclivity to lust after gear as an end in itself, and it takes every opportunity to capitalize on our weakness. Hence, the endless procession of new instruments. And of course, the Internet plays a huge role in maintaining this gear obsession with constant gear chatter. It provides the soft porn that maintains the hunger.
I've found that the best way to fend off GAS is to find the instruments that serve my musical needs and keep them for years, even for decades. I've had the same synthesizers since Dave Smith first designed them. That means I've been using the Prophet '08 and Poly Evolver for fifteen years now. As new stuff comes and goes, I just continue using the same old instruments.
We don't have to succumb to the big materialist monster that wants to eat us alive. Nor should we be content to allow it to ruin music itself. Find your favorite instrument or two, and then be content. And whatever you do, stay off the forums! ???
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I get the sense from this thread that quite a few of us struggle with the gear issue, not as an obsession that can't be satisfied, but as a frustration that tends to depress.
I think GAS is a problem all of us struggle with, for sure. I consider mine "manageable" in the sense that I now only seek specific instruments for a specific purpose... for example I don't feel compelled to drop 5k on a Model D reissue simply because it was never one of my favorite synths to begin with (I'd like to own one but not at that price).
Lobo said something else that I related to very well though, and that's about people you meet asking to hear your work. I hate when people ask what my hobbies are, then want to hear complete tracks I've made, because I have not really completed one to my liking in a very long time. I stopped doing music for the sake of the end product a long time ago. I don't care if I have tracks to upload or share with anyone. I care about the journey of creating music itself. The tracks that I do create do not have enough time invested in them to be considered my best effort, and I would never want to burden someone else's ears with anything less than my best effort, so there is no more music sharing going on from me for now. Maybe when I retire and have time to do it right, if I still have inspiration, I might revisit those goals. But I think Lobo should also find ways to relieve himself of that burden of other people caring what you do for a living or wanting to evaluate the content you create, etc. It's just too much pressure... even very successful celebrities that earn a good living still end up succumbing to the pressure any audience can bring.
And lastly, I'm going to point to another thread that I wrote a while back that discusses a phenomenon I've noticed.... All of the music people I've known that passed away, wanted to spend their last dying moments creating or playing music on the way out. It took precedence over everything else in their limited lifespan. To me this means that for many of us, music is instrinsically important. And for that reason I am voting in favor of never completely putting it down... streamlining gear setup maybe, but never putting it down.
Here is that thread: https://forum.sequential.com/index.php/topic,5031.0.html
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An excellent thread, and rather colorful in places. And Lobolives wrote in it,
"...G.A.S. is not so much an investment into 'stuff' but it's an investment into my mental health and happiness."
Lobolives, could you take your own advice now? I realize you have financial problems also. But music is a comforting companion in an often sad and lonely life.
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I honestly think so much of it stems from my paranoia that I'm going to end up in debt. Like excessive paranoia. I owed some taxes last year and the due date was approaching. I wasn't going to be able to make the deadline so I panicked and sold off a guitar just to make the deadline. I could have just missed the deadline, waited a few weeks and paid the amount with a bit of interest...it wouldn't even had been a huge amount of interest at all but instead I sold off a guitar I had since I was a teenager that I got for Christmas one year and had a lot of memories with...just to make a some stupid deadline.
It's not even a case of not being able to afford something but a fear of potentially needing those funds in an emergency. Currently I'm making more money than I've ever made before in my life and I could easily go out and buy things and still manage to pay rent/bills but it's that fear of "What if..." and ending up in debt because of it. I don't have a credit card and usually I buy everything in full but the issue is I'm hesitant to spend anything because of a "What if" scenario. For example right now a Pro 3 costs about $3K where I am. I could save up and spend it but then right when I'm at the store suddenly the fear of "What if the dog gets sick?" "What if I lose my job?" "Should I put this away?" and I end up having a panic attack in the store and walking out (Which has happened....even with the smallest amounts of money involved)....not even in cases where it's an item I want but an item I need (cables, computer, DAW etc).
So I'm just at a point of...if I stop everything I won't have to worry about anything.
When I was in my early 20s I asked my mother to cash in some savings bonds she was putting away for me just so I had money to go make a movie. She begged me not to do it and said I should put that money away for a house or something practical...I didn't listen and the film never got finished and I blew everything. It's not even a case of "Well when you look back...aren't you glad you tried?" No...I'm not. It was a huge mistake and it just feels like getting involved in music was a mistake too because it's incredibly addictive. Not just in terms of gear accumulation but in terms of creativity.
I guess I don't want to end up like my father in some sense (Always saying "One day I'll do this.." but never actually doing anything) but at the same time I also am understanding why he just gave up music full time. He was auditioning for a US record label and basically ditched his band at the audition and no showed....just to work a shift at a grocery store that his brother was managing. He easily could have got the shift off and went to the audition but he just said "Nah" on a whim and everyone just looked at it as a huge mistake...but now I'm understanding why he did it. There's way too much pressure on creatives and sometimes you just want peace of mind and to just take it day by day.
I know it sounds odd but when I was doing the Prophet X videos a lot of comments were like "Man why hasn't Sequential shared these" or "You should totally do an artist interview" or whatever and I laughed it off...but at the same time it had me questioning "What's wrong with me?" "Am I not good enough?". Obviously it's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things but I guess stuff like that festers and other stuff piles on to it.
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You seem to know what you want to do - that is, sell everything, pay your bills, and then live a simple, practical, dream-free life. So why don't you just do it? You're clear about your needs and wishes, but...hesitant to follow through with them. Why the hesitation?
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You seem to know what you want to do - that is, sell everything, pay your bills, and then live a simple, practical, dream-free life. So why don't you just do it? You're clear about your needs and wishes, but...hesitant to follow through with them. Why the hesitation?
I'm trying to decide if I will come to regret it and thus falling into a worse depression.
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Exactly. And that's what we're all trying to spare you. Go slowly with this, Lobolives. Sell what you don't need but keep what you think you will. Or else, pack it away in the basement and live without it for a while, to test yourself. Maybe you won't miss it, but maybe you will.
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You seem to know what you want to do - that is, sell everything, pay your bills, and then live a simple, practical, dream-free life. So why don't you just do it? You're clear about your needs and wishes, but...hesitant to follow through with them. Why the hesitation?
I'm trying to decide if I will come to regret it and thus falling into a worse depression.
I said this previously, but I do think holding on to the Prophet X - a gift from your father - seems wise. Regardless of what you do or don't do with it in future, besides it clearly being an instrument you've bonded with, it's a tangible connection to your dad.
If it's really the case that you'll hang in financially without needing to sell off your stuff, then I'd also push for the basement/storage unit notion. Let go of your gear in an immediate way if it's bringing you stress and distress and triggering depression, but tuck it away somewhere safe that you can return to in a while - weeks or months. Hopefully you'll be in a different, better place and can reevaluate.
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Yes I would also say that you should consider keeping at least the Prophet X. Sometimes I find a need a to lose myself in a synth that is "deeper" than the norm and I have the Yamaha Montage for this. Whilst it won't be everyone's cup of tea on these forums, I find I spend hours with it due to how deep you can go with it and also the Yamaha way of seemingly trying to make life as difficult as possible for the user helps to keep my mind occupied :)
The Prophet X could be your saviour in times when you need to lose yourself for a few hours and achieve something a little creative. I don't own one but I get the feeling there's a hell of a lot you can do with that synth. I would also want to keep it for sentimental reasons.
One of my synths is a Yamaha MOXF which is really surplus to requirements since getting the Montage but I bought that with a tax rebate we got from my father when he died. I wanted to buy something longer lasting and meaningful with it to remember him by and as he played a little piano when he was young I thought that was the thing to do. So I could never get rid of the MOXF for those reasons. It was actually the first synth I purchased since selling everything off (a mere 25 years after selling everything off !!)
I'd hate for you to sell off all your gear and then still not be happy and then it could become something else you own that you think is the problem :)
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I don’t know what to say, but felt it was important to say I read all of this. I enjoy your work and perspective and I’m sorry you’re struggling with these decisions.
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I'm trying to decide if I will come to regret it and thus falling into a worse depression.
I've completely missed this thread until now, as I haven't been very active here lately either, so have just catched up reading through it. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through Lobo, and I can relate to your situation and circumstances somewhat, as I've been in a similar spot for some years now, where I haven't been well enough to get to a good spot economically. And so I haven't had much creativity either. Last year I finally managed to find and buy an affordable TINY cottage about 70 square feet or so, where I'm hoping to gradually become a little bit self-sufficient by growing root vegetables and such, as to rid myself of some of the economical pressure I'm under. I had to sell some stuff to come up with money for the cottage, like my ASR-10 Rack, as I'm also opposed to loaning money if I can avoid it. I have no loans atm so I can't complain, as my boat isn't leaking in that sense.
My personal story/rant: (OT, feel free to skip)
So I've been on the lowest sickpay for about 4 years now, long story short: I had to retire as a railroad welder prematurely 15 years ago, as my back was screwed up. I've invested heavily, financially and otherwise for 7-8 years to find a solution, and finally found a chiropractic who was able to actually treat the cause, not just alleviate symptoms like others. The guy said it was literally like cement at this point, which took months to crack. I'm blessed to not be in wheelchair by now, only somewhat limited physically. I've had some other jobs since, but then ran into some other problems that wore- and eventually broke me down mentally, which is the reason I've been on sick leave these last years, not my back problems. I get mental fatigue after about 2 hours now, and I'm not very creative anymore, so I've been having the same thoughts as you, giving up gear and music altogether. But I'm hesitant to let circumstances completely dictate my life. I get anxiety and depression from the situation, sure, but most people suffer so much worse. Low income is helped by lowering outgoings as much as possible, and increased gratitude and humility hopefully. :)
If you don't HAVE to sell off gear right now, I'd say don't jump the gun if you're uncertain. Wait until you're sure. As others have mentioned, you could scale down bit by bit, even if I get your either/or mentality. These days one can still continue doing electronic music WITHOUT gear, except for a PC that is. VCV Rack comes to my mind, which I've found some comfort in, knowing that even if I sell everything I don't have to jump ship altogether, or that I can get back on it later. I guess I'm trying to get to a mindset that will make these decisions somewhat less "pumped up" or whatever, smaller. If a piece of gear is widely available today, that also lessens the decision, in case of regret.
I will probably end up selling off most of my stuff eventually anyhow, but maybe save a synth or two, if I can afford to. I don't see selling my gear as a "solution" to the economic situation, as I will eventually run out of gear to sell... But like you, I too want to have a money"buffer" for when I may suddenly need it. An approach I sometimes have in contrast to the absolute either/or, is to put up some pieces of gear for sale at a price I personally value them. Several pieces at the one time. Whatever gets sold, I'm at least content with the deal, and if it doesn't sell I keep it for now. When having a couple of pieces up, what goes goes, and I feel it's a bit more "out of my hands" once they're up this way, which for me diminishes the angst of the decision-making, I think. And I don't go all to nothing. You could sell off just one piece and see how it feels, first.
Sorry for rambling, this ended up being way longer than I intended. Whatever conclusion you come to, I wish you no regrets mainly. If possible, my advice is to find some way(s) to make the decision(s) feel "lesser". All the best!
Btw, this video has been helpful to me, regarding not giving up playing music altogether. And Benn Jordan recently made a video somewhat regarding the topic too:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0JKCYZ8hng (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0JKCYZ8hng)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-LyXBCNsrA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-LyXBCNsrA)
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This has been a great, thought-provoking thread and speaking for myself has been a great benefit - thank you to all!
My short story is that I stepped back from music and a large studio full of gear in the 1990s. I sold it all. Over time as I settled into another profession, I felt deep regret over selling the gear. I now have a new (smaller) room full of gear that I use in my spare time and it gives me great happiness.
If one steps back a step or two, there might be a few axioms to consider here. Gear isn't good or bad - it just is. Our decisions of what to buy, and what professional goals to pursue, stand separately from the gear. Selling gear might postpone financial events for a short time, but is probably not a long-term financial solution.
I'll stop here and wish the very best to everyone on this thread.
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it's that fear of "What if..." and ending up in debt because of it.
I'm hesitant to spend anything because of a "What if" scenario.
To state the obvious: It is wise to have a "What If" savings account of at least a few months of expenses. If you believe the numbers, most people are not even close to being prudent regarding this issue. The number of months of income we should all have in savings is debatable and can vary depending on preferences and security of our job/income. Some advisors suggest 3 - 6 months of living expenses should be readily available. Others suggest 8 - 12 months. Not many suggest longer than that. The key is to really consider how comfortable you are regarding risk and to decide how many months you want. After you get that amount put away, you should be good to go on with life with a peaceful mind.
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After reading this thread and thinking about it for some days, I just decided to give my 2 cents...
I do not really have problems with money. Meanwhile I could easily go out and finally buy me a Prophet 5 and OB-X8 without having to think about it very much, because there would still be enough money left to have a good safety net below me. But if I ask myself why I just don't do it, most of the arguments here come to my mind:
1. The "What if?" thing. Even if you do not exactly have money problems, it seems to trouble some people. I'm married and have an eight month old daughter. What if she got serious medical problems and my wife can not handle it all alone. That said, my wife does not work at the moment. I'm producing all the income. What if I had to reduce working hours to support her? We are living in a big house, that needs a lot of money to get it warm in there. We need cars to get out of our very small village. We could survive with only half of my income... but is "surviving" what we want? We don't want to change our standards, to be honest. The more things you have, the more money you need to keep everything fine and running. So the safety buffer should be a lot bigger, than what I would need, if I were living alone in a tiny flat. Bets are good, that nothing bad will happen and I will not need so much money. But if you are an overly thoughtful person, you can not simply move aside the "What if" question. It will just pop out everytime you are planning to buy something. Another thing that troubles a lot of minds at the moment: We are living in Germany... and when I'm hearing in the news that our government just decided to send Leopard 2 tanks to Ukraine, which is not sooo far away, I must admit, that we are living in fear of war in our country, too. What if that happens? Better have a lot of money to take the next flight to some remote island with the whole family. Bets are good, that will not happen, too, if Putin does not want to have the whole NATO directly at war with him... but it's still possible.
2. Moving all the overly anxious things aside, there is still the "What for?" thing. At the moment I do not really have time to really use all my gear. Besides my Kronos and Rev2 that I use for gigging in a cover band, all my gear is standing here unused. I'm thinking on selling all these things, too. Selling stuff for not using it and buying an P5/OB-X8 is a big contradiction, so there will be no new toys for me, until I really got the time and interest of really "using" it, not just "having" it. When I come home from work, there is this super sweet little daughter waiting for me and I just cannot go to my synth without having bad conscience, knowing the little wants to play with her daddy, that she didn't see the whole day. Priorities. I will not get back the time with her, if I just let it go. So perhaps I let the synth go, until she is old enough to be happy about "not seeing her father" in (hopefully) 18 years ;-) I can buy some new synth then.
3. When I'm actually making music at home at the moment, I play the piano and electric "pipe" organ a lot. Preparing my pipe organ stuff for sundays and playing classical piano, just for myself and to not lose my skills. That's the minimum I have to do, and the maximum a I can do at the moment. I'm doing the piano stuff on my wife's epiano at the moment. It's a nice one, but even the best epiano can not replace the cheapest real piano. My real piano is still at my parents house. I never took it from there, so there is a piano there, when I'm visiting them. For the reasons above I think about buying a grand piano at the moment. Yes, that would be really a lot of money to spend. But that would be an instrument for life and a life-long dream come true. I could play it without electricity, if we really get problems with blackouts caused by this shitty war. And I would be actually using it, instead of just looking at it. Selling all my stuff would help a little bit in that direction. I cannot buy or house a Steinway D, but a brand new Yamaha CX2/3 baby grand could be actually be the way to go for me. My wife can play it, too, which is good for the wife-acceptance-factor and my baby seems to love when I play piano. Hopefully she will get interested in this versatile instrument, when she is some years old. A real family instrument. Yes, I could not take it with me, to the remote island in case of emergency, but since is the absolut worst case scenario I would take the risk ;-) There would still be a buffer left...
So my problems are not really comparable to yours, Lobo, but the thoughts they imply are similar. I would never sell everything I have. Sell a lot, but not all. Without music, without me. I can live with not being a creative musician writing my own music. I'm perfectly fine with playing things others wrote on a instrument where I can not program my own sounds, but live with the one and only default piano patch ;-). But I can not image that there will be a time where no music is played in this house at all... it's the most beatiful thing on earth and so important to everyone, even if they do not recognize it.
I wish you all the best and am really excited to see what direction you will choose. If we actually get to know it, since you surely would quit this forum, too. Which would be a bummer...
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Lobo, sorry to hear your hope is momentarily thin.
I’m too afraid to consider a clean break. But a clean break can be an act of great strength, clarity. To project my perspective your way, I would try to hold on to key, fundamental pieces. Tuck them away, for a break. Or tuck them all away, but one. One, as a simplified conduit, for a return to simplicity.
Regarding the manifested pressure of your perception of others’ perceptions. … Try to shake it. Don’t tell people what you do. Or, modify, generalize.
Consider redefining your definitions of your intentions and paths. Considering keeping it closer to the chest, except to the right, gentle few. It is tough— as we want to connect on so many levels.
You are not stuck on any fixed path. But, yes. If the burden of yesterday’s goal are too much— lighten as you can, so you can … be; and find solace.
With or without music. This can be seasonal. But find solace. Clear the big-picture to-do list. Keep it empty. Do what you have to. In time, populate it.
See if and how music gets added back. If so, unpack the instrument that calls you. Step at a time. The sky will clear. Hope will return.
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Lobo- it's good to see that you're posting again in the Sequential forum. Your initial post certainly touched a nerve amongst many people here and I don't doubt there's relief amongst the gang if your resurgent presence means you're keeping your toes dipped in the music/gear pond after all.
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Lobo- it's good to see that you're posting again in the Sequential forum. Your initial post certainly touched a nerve amongst many people here and I don't doubt there's relief amongst the gang if your resurgent presence means you're keeping your toes dipped in the music/gear pond after all.
I'm not 100% yet in either direction to be honest. I'm just keeping an eye on things. I have to go to the studio to finish some soundtrack stuff this weekend. It's not even something I'm particularly interested in but I feel I have to honor my agreements. Who knows though, it might spark something.